Howling bare on the Moon

I left Earth with out telling you the reality.

I instructed you it was for the cash, and that was partly it.

Shitty, I do know.

And the irony of this second — my recording this message, and by no means figuring out while you’ll obtain it, tomorrow, subsequent week, while you’re 70, or when you ever will.

I had my probabilities, and I folded my hand each time.

I’d have all the time chosen this path. Flying off Earth, serving to to construct the Moonbase. I don’t know a lot, however I do know what I do know.

And I’d all the time select to leap in silly holes just like the one I’m in. I’ve achieved it too many occasions, regardless of the warnings, regardless of the foundations.

Gained each gamble earlier than, proper?

Considered one of my many flaws, seeking to roll the cube.

Roll sufficient occasions, it’s certain to not go your approach.

*****

Let me begin by telling you what I like about you.

Charlie — your athleticism isn’t what makes you particular. It’s your perspective with others. Individuals take pleasure in being round you. Lean into that.

Georgie-boy — your thoughts leads you to think about fantastical worlds. You’re a dreamer, an excessive amount of like me. Oh, what some individuals wouldn’t give to faucet into your ideas for a day, an hour.

I’ve seen you boys develop from little hellions into wonderful younger males. I’m sorry to not see the way you rise above the remainder of life’s challenges.

I like you each. Inform your mom that I nonetheless assume fondly of her, nonetheless remorse that I didn’t make it work between us. Not that it’ll matter to her.

*****

You’d assume I’d be honoured to be the primary to die on the Moon. Hope they’re not silly sufficient to place up a plaque: “Right here died JT for being a dumbass.”

I’m on a two-day inspection of crunchers and miners. I let you know, travelling across the Moon by no means will get outdated. Different individuals pay me to take their shifts — cash I ship to you. They don’t like its otherworldliness, the loneliness of sitting within the Moon crawler because it rolls by means of the panorama.

I’ve cherished these moments.

Often, the journey is routine, however typically you discover one thing caught, not working proper.

One of many miners was pinned. The drones couldn’t nudge it.

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I cabled up, belayed down. Kicked the bot twice.

Then the tunnel fell in, pinned my leg. By some means, my swimsuit’s intact. The ache, it’s unbelievable, however subsiding. Can’t be a great factor.

You assume I’d have taken the emergency beacon with me, however no.

They’ll finally observe the crawler, nevertheless it’ll be too late. I’ve known as the bots to dig me out, however these beasts are gradual. Solely have an hour or so of air, if the sensor’s to be trusted.

All bets are off.

Might be worse. Fortunate to be tucked below an overhang. Damned fortunate to not have my head pinned.

Blessed to have an opportunity to file this message.

*****

Boys, let me offer you two bits of recommendation I ought to have shared earlier than.

First, betting as a vocation is for suckers. Might need a great night time, a great week. In the long term, the home all the time wins. Put your cash elsewhere. Most likely don’t must say it. You’ve learnt that watching me.

Second, do what you like. Life is brief, shorter than you count on. Discover your ardour and go all in. Simply know, in some unspecified time in the future, you’ll harm these round you.

*****

The Moon wanted electricians and plumbers and mechanics and 100 different labourers. I utilized and handed the exams.

In secret, in fact. Didn’t mean you can weigh in, to cease me. That’d be an excessive amount of of a chance.

Stored the chances in my favour.

They took me.

You laughed and thought I used to be loopy. And I didn’t deny it. However when your humour turned to anger, I didn’t deny that, both. You needed me in your lives. I needed to be there, too.

However one thing bigger known as me.

*****

I all the time considered myself as wild and free.

Right here, on the Moon, I’m tamed and trapped.

Haven’t minded, not one bit.

I’ve bounced round like a kangaroo, stood on a hostile, alien world, marvelled at Earth in its entirety and the variety of stars I can see, been part of one thing higher, howled bare on the Moon, imagined the Moon howling again at me.

I’ve slapped a full home down, beating three aces, the playing cards drifting on the desk as I scrambled to gather the chips.

Despatched that cash again to you on high of my common pay. That was the promise. Me coming right here, you’d have higher lives, cowl the price of homes and training. You wouldn’t need for something materials.

After I wasn’t enjoying poker, I principally watched the Moonscape and the celebrities and Earth and thought: “Goddamn, the Universe is gorgeous.”

Too usually, I puzzled why I couldn’t really feel that again residence, with you.

I don’t remorse coming right here, even now, trapped on this gap. It’s been a dream.

However I’m sorry that what I had with you couldn’t fill me.

I don’t count on or need your forgiveness. That’s not what I’m after.

Simply needed you to grasp, and know that I cherished you, finest I may.