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I actually needed to put in writing a pithy lead in to arrange this TikTok Russell Wilson posted as an advert to Subway, however there’s completely nothing I can say that might do that justice.
Russ was fast to delete this masterpiece of awkwardness, and I’m nonetheless left gobsmacked that it was ever posted within the first place. I can’t inform you what number of quick movies I’ve recorded, watched again, then deleted and re-done as a result of I flubbed a phrase, or made a large number out of a flip of phrase. As an alternative, this was put on-line with a rambling diatribe about hazard, by which Wilson both admits to a criminal offense, or is about to inform a narrative a couple of bizarre journey to Tijuana.
“Watch out although … it’s spicyyyy. You ever completed something harmful? [stares into camera for five seconds while biting sandwich] Oooh, that’s harmful. I’ve completed one thing like that too. I received’t inform anyone. Hear, one time … ah, nevermind… that’s too harmful.”
Perhaps I’ve been watching an alarming quantity of Dahmer on Netflix, however this looks like an ungainly confession he’d make about gnawing on a human femur. It makes me completely scared of what is in Russell Wilson’s “Dangerwich,” so I needed to discover out. Fortunately “The Quick Meals Submit,” which blogs about Quick Meals has the elements of Russ’ signature sandwich.
Now, remember the fact that he calls this “harmful.” Absolutely take up that he says this sandwich is spicy. Let the doable elements swirl round in your thoughts and create a imaginary tapestry of flavors and tastebud burning depth. Okay, prepared for what’s within the “Dangerwich”?
“The Dangerwich” comes with pepperoni, salami, black forest ham, provolone cheese and bacon on Italian Herbs and Cheese bread, topped with lettuce, inexperienced peppers, tomatoes, banana peppers, and completed with yellow mustard and mayo.
PEPPERONI AND BANANA PEPPERS ARE THE SPICIEST THINGS ON THIS SANDWICH! I AM IRRATIONALLY ANGRY AT THIS! Now look, I’m not going to present shit to individuals with a low spice tolerance, as a result of that’s silly gastronomical elitism — however don’t name one thing spicy is there’s nothing even spice-adjacent to this. Youngsters’s second pizza alternative is pepperoni, toddlers eat it — NOT SPICY. Banana peppers, additionally not spicy. When a pepper takes the identify of a fruit it’s not going to be spicy, and it’s a vinegar car, not a spice provider.
Remember the fact that Marshawn Lynch additionally has a brand new sandwich, “The Beef Mode,” which is doesn’t model as spicy, however it accommodates:
“The Beef Mode” options Alternative Angus Roast Beef, melted pepper jack cheese and hickory smoked bacon served on Italian Herbs & Cheese bread and topped with lettuce, black olives, tomatoes, purple onions, and jalapenos, and drizzled with yellow mustard and Baja Chipotle sauce.
The mix of yellow mustard AND chipotle sauce is slightly icky, however I’ll forgive it, as a result of. this sandwich truly makes an attempt to seek out taste in a hopeless place.
So, not solely did Russ make an extremely awkward advert, however his “Harmful” sandwich put you at as a lot danger at tearing the label off your mattress while you’re not speculated to. Simply unhappy.
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